BRAIN Y U DO DIS?

GAHH BRAIN~~!! STOP OVER-THINKING THINGS!!!! NOOOOOO~~~ PLZ STAHP BRAYN. IT'S UNHEALTHYYYYYY GAHHNOOOOOOOOOOO~~!!! MONKEY BUTTS! 

Final year of high school

This is my final year of high-school. This is where more than a decade of education has led to. For this year, it feels like the end of a long era of both good and bad times. An era where life was the easiest. An era where life is carefree and relaxed and good friends are easy to come by. Sometimes I wonder, especially after meeting a bunch of new people and really enjoying it (I was a bit of a shut-in in earlier stages, I'm sure), if I have ever wasted too much of my time not fully enjoying myself or trying new things. Also I wonder how much I have changed as a person over the years. Looking back at the first posts I made in BlueJamK and in this blog, I feel a big difference. Maybe a bit moodier? Maybe a bit more mature? I don't know to be honest :p Sometimes I wonder if I'm even the same person, really. I mean...you don't usually notice it, the changes I mean, but once you've recorded fragments of your personality on paper or online, the differences are a lot easier to spot. I don't really worry about this though, regardless of this thinking. It's only natural that I would change over time. 

I think I read/heard about/something that Aristotle (I checked online, ok?? It's Aristotle.) supposedly said (you can't realllyyyy be sure that it was him that said it), “We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.” Ignoring the "excellence" part for now, you are what you repeatedly do. I think this is a very good idea to have in your mind. This way, you can know when you're acting off (you do things that you do in low frequencies) or if you're changing as a person (also, knowing that habit is your personality, you can now know how to and when to change negative things that are growing in your personality). 

I'm not really sure why I added that previous paragraph in....I knew it was going to lead onto something in this paragraph but I went browsing and then lost my train of thought....gahh...

In any case, reflecting on some stuff like "what I've been doing in the last decade" and "lolwutchickenbutt", I've come up with a bit of a list of goals for this year. You know what's good about this list? It's not a "New Year's Resolution" thing, so it has less chance of failure. Hehehehe MASTERPLAN. u no it. u nooooo ittt~~

Aight, the list. Some reasons for some of them as well.

1. Improve my handwriting (I've been meaning to improve it for years, I even read my diary from 3 years ago and I was still going on about it)
2. Maintain a consistent diary (I keep kinda a diary, but it's really all over the place. Some have complete years of gaps between entries. I find keeping a diary is entertaining in the future (also for reflecting on), for instance, I recently spent a portion of a "all nighter" reading my diary to someone.
3. Improve my consistency in personality (I can get moody sometimes or get mood swings that last for a few days, I think this might have to do with my hormones or something. Maybe sleeping late affects my mood...(actually, I'm dead sure it does). This mood thing is alright around my long term friends, but it's really bad for when I'm meeting someone for the first time (like recently))
4. WAHAHAHAHA~
5. Increase my pool of hobbies (I've given up gaming so much and opted for going out more with friends and doing other hobbies in my solo time. Dancing is fun.)
6. Get mad sick at dancing (Dancing is fun)
7. Get sick mad at dancing (Dancing is fun)
8. Think about how mad and sick I'll actually become
9. Go to karaoke 
10. Find a way to accurately complete this list (I think I have more to write here, but I can't think of all the things I want to do right now. But this will do for now)

Yay~!

Complete the final year with confidence! 

And I'm a genius

I'm the most modest person I know, not bragging or anything. 2/2 in problem solving! HEHEHE YOU CAN'T HIDE FROM ME.

THE CLUES AREN'T THERE AGADASFDSFDAF

Hmmm....someone said something about me promising to write something after the zombie apocolypse and what I had for breakfast....

Understanding?

I think it was some time ago when someone I know announced to me that "It's impossible to ever truly understand someone." If I recall correctly, I spent the next ten minutes debating whether or not that was completely true. The only response I got, frustratingly, was "You either get it, or you don't." I guess I didn't get it. At the time, it seemed so....bleak...so lonely. How is it that you will never "truly" understand someone? Eh.
Fast forwards a while and I land where I am today. Maybe today I'm feeling extra hormonal or adolescent but I think I'm beginning to understand...But then again, why do I want to understand such a pessimistic thought? I'm not really sure of my motivation is or..was? Whatever...

"Understanding" in this case also depends on your definition of the phrase "It's impossible to ever truly understand someone." However I deduct that, due to the context of the phrase, it means to uhh... understand someone's feelings? Maybe. You could say that it could be applied to ways of thinking or something, but those tend to be more easily explained through words. Feelings and by extension, sensations are more difficult to explain. I think it's easier to explain the sensations. You can't see exactly what other people see, can't hear as other people hear. Perhaps in the future someone will develop technology that allows one to use another person's sensory systems, but for now I suppose its a limitation that acts as a wall or uhh "truly understanding someone". But then again, the idea that you must completely embody someone else is taking the whole idea a bit far. Except maybe for people with disabilities such as colour blindness. Sure you can present an image that simulates what a colour blind person may see, but I won't know for sure or exactly how they see until I have the condition myself. But still, the idea of having to hijack someone's sensory system to uhh... understand them...seems a bit whack.
I have the impression that I'm being incredibly stupid at the moment, but I suppose everyone thinks stupid things once in a while, it's just I'm writing them down.

As for feelings...well...it's more difficult to explain such instinctive parts of human nature. For one thing, many people will have experienced this before I'm sure, sometimes it's difficult to explain to someone how you're feeling. You have basic emotions like happy, sad, angry, etc. But then more complex mixes such as melancholy, depression (especially...people with depression often describe it as "everything is black", something that is undoubtedly a foreign perspective to those who have not had depression) and nostalgia that are somewhat like mixes of emotions...like colours on a colour wheel. Many times it's difficult to put an emotion into words. I've tried it before and either because the subject is too difficult or my English ability is lacking, there never seems to be enough words to describe it. You can keep going and going, but the point never really seems to cross. Maybe someone reading it may say "Yeah I get it" but then you really doubt that they're understanding it from your perspective. Perhaps...

After writing this, I feel further from understanding "It's impossible to ever truly understand someone." than when I first had the conviction to get started. I guess that with enough scrutiny, almost anything will collapse. I suppose that's what separates good and bad philosophies, if indeed this can be called a philosophy. What's this? Am I now insulting the integrity of the phrase "It's impossible to ever truly understand someone."? I'm not sure.  I think the fundamental reason that I have difficulty understanding that phrase is that I'm not sure which angle to take it from. Does one mean "understanding how a person feels" or do they mean "understanding someone's logic"?

I realise that I've now completed a full circle in my ramblings. Is it possible that the end goal is closer to the start than I think? Or maybe I'm just is an interesting mood from recent happenings.... I'm not quite sure how to end this piece of writing so I guess I'll just say that I've enjoyed reflecting on my thoughts, though I may not have gone far from my initial pondering. Have I actually learned anything? I think that I might have progressed in understanding...